Anything But Typical
by By the Sounding Sea
Summary: Mary and Marshall get into a very trivial argument about corn chips. I think it's kind of funny. Rated T because it's Mary.


**I actually sort of like this one. It was really fun to write. I'm going to have to write for "In Plain Sight" more often, because you have no idea how much I enjoy writing for Mary. I kind of see Stan and Eleanor as another version of Mary and Marshall. Anyway, though I really, _really_ wish I did, I do not own "In Plain Sight."**

* * *

"You take that back!" Mary cried.

"I will do no such thing!" Marshall yelled back.

"Inspectors," Stan said calmly, trying to intervene.

"I am _not_ a cheater, Marshall!" Mary declared.

"Oh yeah? Then how come I just caught you moving the corn chips around on the game board?" Marshall questioned.

"Please, Mary, Marshall," Eleanor said. "This argument is really much too trivial."

"I _told _you," Mary said. "I wasn't _trying_ to cheat! I just wanted to see if the chips were stale or not. I was _going_ to put it right back!"

"Honestly, Inspectors, do you _really_ think that Corn Chip Checkers is worth this dissonance?" Stan asked.

"I do _not_ believe that cock and bull story!" Marshall exclaimed.

"Oh, for God's sake, Marshall, stop trying to work the word 'cock' into conversations," Mary said, rolling her eyes.

"It _is_ one of the funnier words," Marshall pointed out.

"I don't care. People find it off-putting."

"People find _me _off-putting?" Marshall said, laughing.

"Come on, Inspectors, let's just calm down. You can just clear off the board and get a new set of corn chips," Stan said.

"How do you even play checkers with corn chips?" Eleanor asked.

"It's something they invented a few years ago," said Stan. "They never really explained how it worked."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Mary asked Marshall.

"Do they even realize that we're standing here?" Eleanor asked Stan.

"They tend to live in their own little world. Mary and Marshall have a tendency to ignore the other people around them when they're having one of their, um, discussions," Stan explained.

"I'll tell you what it means. You, Mary Shannon, are the most off-putting woman I have ever met. You insult people with your sarcasm—"

"Oh, please, you love my sarcasm. It makes you giggle," Mary objected.

"You find people's pet peeves and then act on them, just because you wish to annoy them," Marshall said.

"You do that to me all the time!" Mary yelled.

"Oui, mais je suis toujour ici pour toi, mon cher," Marshall said with a smug grin.

"See?" Mary exclaimed. "Right there! I don't care that you're fluent in French, Marshall, and it irritates the crap out of me when you speak it just to show off!"

"I don't speak French to show off, Mary, I just do it to irritate the crap out of you," Marshall said.

"Alright, you two, come on," said Stan.

"Pissy little girl!" Mary said.

"Aw, I love you, too, Mary, Mary quite contrary," Marshall said.

"Holy _shit_!" Mary yelled. "Did you _seriously_ just call me that?"

"Okay, Marshall, come on," Stan said. "You know what's gonna drive Mary up the wall."

"Yes, Mary, I did just call you that," Marshall said. He was looking very proud of himself.

"I'm sorry, I forgot, were you born at Son of a Bitch Hospital or St. Bastard's?" Mary asked sarcastically. Marshall laughed. Stan tried to hide a smirk. Eleanor looked shocked.

"Wow," Eleanor exclaimed softly. "Just wow."

"If you're really interested, St. Monica's Medical Center," Marshall said.

"St. Bastard's it is!"

The partners stared at each other for a moment.

"Hey, Mary?"

"Yeah?"

"How'd we start talking about this again?"

"You know what? I honestly haven't the faintest idea."

"Yeah, me either. Oh, well. Hey, do you want to play Corn Chip Checkers?"

Mary nodded. "Sounds like fun. Lemme get my whiskey. It's more fun if we're drunk, or at least tipsy. Good idea. We haven't played that in forever."

The two walked back over to Marshall's desk, opened a new bag of corn chips, grabbed a Magic Marker, and began to set it up. Stan and Eleanor stared at Mary and Marshall.

"Any thoughts?" Eleanor asked.

"So many," Stan replied. "The mind fairly boggles."

"They're really best friends?" Eleanor inquired.

"Oh, yeah, definitely. Just anything but typical."


End file.
